Return of the King

I've been home for about 2 months now, but I figured I should put another update on here for my own reminiscence's sake if I want to look back on this trip someday.

Deciding when to return home was an extremely stressful decision. From sometime in mid-January through early/mid February when the decision was made final (and even later than that, including after returning home when I inveitably wondered whether I'd made the right choice), all I could think about was when I should return home. When I first made plans to go to NZ I had set February 6 as my return date, but that was almost completely arbitrary. Even then I knew that I wanted to stay in NZ as long as possible for the obvious reason that I was in NZ and wanted to capitalize on that because who knows when I'd get back there. So I decided that coming home in mid-April just in time for the WashU one year reunion would be ideal, since then I'd still have a month and a half before starting school in Madison. But then all sorts of other issues struck me.

The alumni reunion at the WashU indoor conference track meet was in early March and was probably the only chance I'd get to see some of the attendees (until next year's alumni reunion at least). I also started wondering whether a month and a half was really enough time to spend at home before going back to school. I started to realize that this was the last chance I'd ever have (realistically) to live at home and spend time with my parents and, well, my childhood. That fact weighed pretty heavily on me and I asked myself if I could really take it lightly. I engaged in my usual trick of projecting myself several months or years into the future and looking back, first imagining I had chosen one option and then the other and gauging how I felt about each. Would I be happier knowing I stayed in NZ as long as possible or knowing I came home and enjoyed spending time with my parents and friends as much as possible. Would 1.5 months be enough; would 3 months be too much? Unfortunately this technique didn't turn out to be as straightforward as I'd hoped, but definitely helped.

Another factor was money. Though I had finally found a good job (great managers, single room included in exchange for the first 8 hours of work each week), it only paid the equivalent of $6 USD an hour. Throughout the trip I had recorded every purchase I'd made and made predictions of how much I would have spent and earned if I returned to the US at different times. I looked at these numbers and reworked them constantly. Basically I was afraid of heading to Wisconsin having just unloaded wads of cash. I knew I'd be miserable if I spent my time at Madison keeping to myself doing everything to save a penny. It looked like the only way to avoid that would be to come home and find work here, where I'd have no expenses living at home (my only expenses in Wanganui were food and phone bills). Obviously this made my decision partly hinge on whether or not I could find a job at home, which during the current economical situation seemed risky at best, but for some reason I was optimistic, probably blindly so. But anyway with Brookhaven Marketplacae just opening nearby I guess I was really lucky in that regard.

I don't know if this would have continued, but towards the end of my stay in NZ I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated when presented with language barriers between me and the lodge patrons. That plus the sad position of having only one day/night to meet people made the job even more lonely. Also Wanganui turned out to be a pretty boring town. After the obvious tourist attractions I found myself pretty bored. I read extensively, but I wasn't sure I could keep that up for another 6 weeks. In truth I suppose I didn't try hard enough to invest myself into the town. I learned later that one of the other backpackers who had had my job at some earlier time had joined a local ping pong club, for instance. But then again with my limited interests and talents, and having felt somewhat burned out on exploring new things by that time, I probably wouldn't have fared well with anything like that.

Other factors I considered: 1) training. I was running 20-30 mpw in Wanganui, but wasn't feeling like I was progressing very much, and was rapidly burning out on the few running routes I could create, plus I felt like I'd be better able to do things like core strengthening at home. 2) food. After settling into Wanganui, my meals were becoming boringly consistent. Breakfast was always oatmeal or eggs and toast, lunch was always PB&J, and dinner was either spaghetti, or rice mixed with some form of canned dinner, or the occasional pizza. Plus I somehow became dependent on having a bowl of ice cream before going to bed. I knew if I returned home I'd have a much greater opportunity for expanding my cooking and eating horizons (which I guess is ironic considering I was in a foreign country).

So here I am at home. I honestly believe I made the best choice for me. Since returning home I've come up with various other solutions, all of which involved taking another year off before starting grad school, which I still believe might have the best option initially and I'm still kicking myself for not really considering it from the outset, but so it goes. I'm definitely glad to have the opportunity to spend more time with my friends and family, something that wouldn't be true had I added another year of travel to the life schedule. But I know for sure that once I get that DPT I'm going to be on the first flight out of here. I'm thinking Europe.